I'm like a dog when it comes to riding in the car. I happily agree to go when the question "do you want to come with me?" is raised --no matter if we're just running down the street to the store. I love to just stare out the window and watch the world go by, and have all the windows down when the weather allows it (can you picture me with my tongue hanging out my mouth as the wind blows my face into weird shapes? lol). I find riding in the car very relaxing (even when it's me who's driving) and I often just like to hop in my car and drive to places I've never driven through before, to calm my stress.
This car ride is going to be different though.
My host dad volunteered to drive me to the airportwhenever I get my flight info (which should be sometime today) today (I'm leaving at 11:59 pm and will arrive in San Jose at 9:45pm tomorrow night) and for once I am not looking forward to it.
I'm not a crying sort of person (except for in the most private of matters, in the most private of company) and I haven't broken down (that doesn't get you anywhere anyway). But I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to contain myself (already I feel it coming on in my chest as I write this) and even the prospect of a nice long car ride through territory I've never driven through before, won't be enough to calm my nerves.
I understand that it's better if I leave this country. Although the nuclear power plant crisis won't affect Tokyo (although Japan might become a little smaller by losing Fukushima-ken) in a health related issue; power and supplies are going to be the tough part. Having one less mouth to feed, one less person to give water and power to is going to be a huge help in the long run. Even though I would like to stay and give assistance to the people in Tohoku I have to face the fact that I'm not trained in anything that will be of help to them, so just leaving is my best option. Although I want to stay and help out my host family (emotionally, etc); since my program cancelled they will no longer get a monthly stipend (and I've already quit my job). I hate to run, but it won't be forever. I'll be back (granted it's still here) so I won't say goodbye.
So here's to a better future; these past few months have been grand.
See you soon
Jamie
This car ride is going to be different though.
My host dad volunteered to drive me to the airport
I'm not a crying sort of person (except for in the most private of matters, in the most private of company) and I haven't broken down (that doesn't get you anywhere anyway). But I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to contain myself (already I feel it coming on in my chest as I write this) and even the prospect of a nice long car ride through territory I've never driven through before, won't be enough to calm my nerves.
I understand that it's better if I leave this country. Although the nuclear power plant crisis won't affect Tokyo (although Japan might become a little smaller by losing Fukushima-ken) in a health related issue; power and supplies are going to be the tough part. Having one less mouth to feed, one less person to give water and power to is going to be a huge help in the long run. Even though I would like to stay and give assistance to the people in Tohoku I have to face the fact that I'm not trained in anything that will be of help to them, so just leaving is my best option. Although I want to stay and help out my host family (emotionally, etc); since my program cancelled they will no longer get a monthly stipend (and I've already quit my job). I hate to run, but it won't be forever. I'll be back (granted it's still here) so I won't say goodbye.
So here's to a better future; these past few months have been grand.
See you soon
Jamie
3 comments:
I know you don't want to come back to the US. I'm really sorry that you've had that decision made for you. No one thinks less of you. We love you and know how amazing you are and that Japan will be a little less bright without you there. But we will be glad to have you home.
There will be a day when you will get to return. But in the meantime, the choice you didn't get to make is a very wise choice as you stated (one less mouth to feed and person to care for, especially in this particular situation.) If it was just your basic earthquake, it would have never come to this. My heart is daily with those in Japan and though you may not cry I have had my eyes filled daily for those who will have the struggles they now face and who also have been stoic as per the cultural requirement.......Look forward to seeing you soon! Maria
My sweet granddaughter, I understand your pain and sense of loss in leaving your host family and friends and a country you love, but you will be able to go back. Your family on this side of the ocean needs you now. They need to know you are safe and in our reach. Your mother needs to put her arms around you and your father needs to know you are on safe ground. All of us here need to be able to breath a little easier knowing you are home. Your friends and family in Japan know you do not want to leave and they know your heart will be with them forever. Let your tears flow as they are the souls way of cleansing and soothing in times of great emotional need. We love you and our love to all those in Japan who have lost loved ones and countrymen. Love and hugs.
Post a Comment